Tag Archives: meta

Finding a pattern

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I have input machines. A camera on my phone. A microphone; well, two microphones.

I have output machines: A phone. A computer.

I have processing powers. My own brain. The phone. The computer.

My output can become my input; my input can become my process; my process can become my output.

It all can become rather confusing (pdf of v0.01 of my IPO matrix).

But the pattern is something to explore as well.

An earlier output became input for a new process, leading to new output.

10:10

No, I will continue. So, basically, let’s not fool ourselves. All humans have these matrixes. But I am somehow interested in being more experimental about it. The example in the mentioned pdf is a good example:

I am reading a book (Input), I reflect on the book’s themes (process), I make a video about my reading a book (output), that video becomes input in another process.

So, I am now in a Process of writing this blog entry. I am recording the screen of me doing this; that recording becomes output. Watching that recording can then become input for something else. I could for instance re-watch that recording on Dropbox. I could then record my watching of it; my process, my thinking, while watching it. I forget response; I guess I ignored it, but yes, response is a part of my process. I respond to my earlier self writing this; I respond to my earlier self listening to “Silentium” by Wojciech Golczewski.

So, what’s the question here?

It’s about patterns. My patterns for the IPO – Input/Process/Output. And my pattern for listening to my gut feeling, or my emotions, or my intellect, or whatever. Pattern for reflecting on that, connecting that dot with other dots. Pattern for creating output from the I/P, which leads to a new iterative cycle.

A big part of my interest now is to find more efficient ways to produce my output, so that I can have that as future input. My intended audience for this blog is primarily my future self. Preferrably my retired self in my 70s who likes to look back at the processes, and has time to reflect on them anew. I don’t know, something like that.

Prompt 1 for ChatGPT 3.5:

You are a specialist in neurological processes, and psychology. You will reflect upon this input from me, and you will give your analysis of my way of thinking, including whether this is original or not: <quote of all until “Prompt for Chat…” and leaving out link>

Response 1 from ChatGPT 3.5: (process video shows process of that, of course)

“Based on the provided input, it seems that you have a reflective and analytical approach to your own thinking processes. You recognize and describe the various input and output devices you possess, such as cameras, microphones, phones, and computers, as well as the processing powers they provide.

You express an understanding that the boundaries between input, process, and output can be fluid and interconnected. You mention that your output can become input, your input can become a process, and your process can become output. This recognition highlights your awareness of the cyclical nature of information flow and the potential for iterative cycles of thought.

Your reflection on the IPO matrix demonstrates an original way of thinking about the interconnectedness of these elements. You consider the example of reading a book, reflecting on its themes, creating a video about it, and then using that video as input for another process. This shows an ability to conceptualize and analyze the iterative nature of your own cognitive processes.

Your interest in patterns, whether they are related to IPO or the connections between your emotions, intellect, and gut feelings, indicates a desire to understand and optimize your own thinking. You express a goal of finding more efficient ways to produce output that can serve as future input. This demonstrates a forward-thinking mindset and a willingness to leverage your own experiences and reflections for personal growth.

Overall, your way of thinking appears to be reflective, analytical, and self-aware. Your consideration of the interplay between input, process, and output, as well as your focus on patterns and iterative cycles, showcases an original and thoughtful approach to understanding and optimizing your own cognitive processes.”

Prompt 2 to ChatGPT 3.5 “Thank you. What could be the 10 best ideas for further improving my thinking about this, and my reflective process?”

Response 2 from ChatGPT 3.5:

“Certainly! Here are 10 ideas to further improve your thinking and reflective process:

  1. Keep a Reflective Journal: Maintain a journal where you record your thoughts, ideas, and reflections regularly. This practice will help you develop a habit of introspection and provide a reference point for future analysis.
  2. Seek Diverse Perspectives: Engage with a variety of viewpoints by reading books, articles, and blogs, and by having discussions with people who have different backgrounds and experiences. This exposure to diverse perspectives can expand your thinking and challenge your assumptions.
  3. Embrace Discomfort: Be willing to step out of your comfort zone and explore unfamiliar topics or ideas. By embracing discomfort, you open yourself up to new insights and growth opportunities.
  4. Practice Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness exercises into your routine to enhance self-awareness and focus. Mindfulness can help you observe your thoughts, emotions, and patterns more objectively, leading to deeper insights.
  5. Use Visualization Techniques: Utilize visualization techniques to imagine scenarios and potential outcomes. Visualizing your thought processes can help you identify gaps, potential biases, and new possibilities.
  6. Incorporate Creative Activities: Engage in creative activities such as writing, drawing, or playing a musical instrument. These activities can stimulate your imagination, enhance problem-solving skills, and promote innovative thinking.
  7. Collaborate and Seek Feedback: Share your ideas with others and seek feedback. Collaborative discussions and constructive feedback can challenge your thinking, offer fresh perspectives, and help you refine your reflective process.
  8. Explore Different Thinking Models: Familiarize yourself with various thinking models and frameworks, such as design thinking, systems thinking, or critical thinking. Each model offers unique perspectives and approaches to problem-solving and can enhance your reflective process.
  9. Continuously Learn: Cultivate a lifelong learning mindset. Engage in learning activities such as attending workshops, taking online courses, or participating in seminars to expand your knowledge base and expose yourself to new ideas.
  10. Take Breaks and Practice Self-Care: Ensure you allocate time for rest, relaxation, and self-care. Taking breaks allows your mind to recharge and can lead to improved clarity, focus, and creativity during your reflective process.

Remember, these ideas are meant to be starting points for further exploration and experimentation. Embrace them as tools to enhance your thinking and reflective process, adapting and refining them based on what works best for you.”

[Process video]

Energy // Attention

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One of the topics that interest me is “energy“. Another is “attention“. They are interlinked, of course, but they are also separate in my universe.

Image by DALL-E 2, based on prompt from the author. Prompt: “Painted glass depicting two people facing each other, a man and a woman. They are looking at each other.”

Energy

What do I give energy? Do I give energy to my worries, or my hope? Do I give my energy to bottomless holes, or do I give the energy to things that make a difference?

In my life, I seek to be conscious of my energy usage, and since my last depression/down-time, which lasted roughly from spring 2022 until April 2023, I have been more aware of this again. Do I give too much energy to my worry of the work of tomorrow? Or to friendships that are unbalanced? Do I give energy on hopeless ideals, or do I give energy to – well, yes, things that make a difference, to others or to me.

Attention

A topic that interests me is “attention management”. What I give attention throughout my day. Material things, pleasure, to give service, to explore, to enjoy, to sacrifice.

We all give attention to things throughout our waking lives. To many, it is family, work, taking care of the place they live, tending the garden, or other similar things, mundane or essential. To many, it is art, or travel, or constantly meeting new people. To some, it is to create. Sitting alone for months or years, many hours at the time, and creating; writing, or painting, or something else.

My future energy><attention management

As I have gained more energy again, I am more aware of what drains the energy. And also what fills the energy. I have consciously cut out some elements in my life, and focused on others. I hope that this process will lead to a better balance energy-wise moving forward, but also that I find ways to have more joy in the process. The joy of creation, for instance, is very real in my life.

Sunday, 16:29. Time to go out again.

(Parts of the process)

Process // Processing

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Friday morning, 07:39 AM

I am reflecting over my process. And I am processing my process.

I am in process. And I am in a process of processing.

I process

I am processing

Process//processing

I am in a process of crystallization. Now, right now. 07:41. Will get ready to go to work soon. I am still in this process.

I reflect, I am meta-reflecting on my process of processing the following:

1) Where I have been

2) Where I am now

3) Where I will be

I reflected again on this last night while talking with a friend. I told her: «I feel better these days than I did even before the sudden breakup of my marriage in July 2020»

And while I said that, I again felt it; the gut feeling.

I don’t need much more than what I have. After this terrible winter, I don’t need much to feel content.

I am processing all this. And I am in a process that will lead to more processing, new ideas, new perspectives, and also new outcome I Think.

I am grateful for where I am.

[Process]

New seeds need good conditions

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Seeds, water, soil. Minerals. Sunshine. Components to create something, materials needed for optimal conditions.

What happens if the conditions are not optimal?

What happens if quality is less ideal?

Well, the outcome may not be what it Could be. And then, in reports and in narratives, excuses come up. Reasons for why the outcome was not ideal.

But what if we then do not work out the missing elements? What if we just point to something not happening, but we don’t look at the conditions in a proper manner?

Image by DALL-E, prompt by the author

We have seeds. We know that some of them will not grow. Some will not bear optimal fruits. But some Will grow well. Some Will give good outcome.

My new seeds, my new projects, also need their own good working conditions. Energy level. Time. Commitment. Love and labour.

The EWB project, and my making videos project. Two spare time projects. And of course my work, and my son’s development (he is 12).

I am aware of what I need for this, and I am conscious of my own role as leader for the group at EWB, and also my reporting to others, etc.

(Process)

A new creative process

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In December 2004, when I started videoblogging, I had no previous experience with putting my own face in front of the camera. But my drive was so huge that once I started out, I quickly scanned the scene, and I also made a decision: I need to be in NYC for the world’s first videoblogging conference. So I did, and one output from that process, which I keep referring back to in my own thinking, is this interview which “Human Dog” did with me, which mostly was about weather:

In this creative process, I got through a tough time in my personal life; after my father had died in March 2003, I went really far down into the series of basements, mostly because I did not get to know him before he died; he denied me this, and my mother denied me this, and they both just blamed each other without taking responsability for their actions. And when he died of cancer in 2003, when I was 25, he told me before he died that he not for one second regretted not having contact with me. That hurt. But the creative process of making videos helped me through that.

As I have previously written, this spring was when I finally came out of a lengthy depression. One concrete result out of that process was that I decided to get involved with EWB here in Norway, and I now am having an active role there. Ok.

Inspired by Asbjørg

But I have also been inspired by Asbjørg, who is a Norwegian artist who has been putting out videos for some time on Instagram. Here are two of them that touched me, for this or that reason: 1: Går i ring, 2: Kjære veps. I don’t know why, but the tunes, the videos, the creative output touched me deeply. I have also commented directly to Asbjørg that her output has meant a lot to me, inspired me; because I believe in giving others feedback. And now, inspired by her, I have today on May 25th 2023 decided to try things out myself. Creating a creative output where I also control the music. Or let’s just call it what it is: The sound track.

And here I am. I have my work at an organization where I deal with professional networks. I have my life with my son during the weekdays while he stays with his mother in the weekends. I have my spare time engagement at EWB Norway. And now I am keen on exploring the creation of videos again, but where I also create the sound.

What type of videos?

Well, I don’t know yet, but I will take one step at the time. First of all, I want to find a format. I think I will go for the same as Asbjørg. Instagram. My own main Instagram account (@dltq42) is locked down and I only have 15 followers there; an inner circle. But I can create a separate Instagram account for my explorations. And, like always, I like to share my process. So I think I will create two new accounts, which will be public. Now they are created: @dltqoutput, and @dltqprocess.

Output is, well, the output. The things I consider results. Process is my process getting to that output. Since both are public, they will work off each other as well.

May 25th 2023. It starts.

Exploration burnout

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My original text:
One of the drawbacks of having done several cycles of exploration, is that the risk of “exploration burnout” becomes higher. In early 1998, when I was 19 and new in Bergen (I had lived in Denmark 1991 – December 1997), I made my decision to explore more, become more active. That led to a ton of exploration and activity.

In March 2020, the pandemic effectively stopped a lot of processes for me. Then the split of marriage came in July 2020. I was, however, still active – I was member of a national expert group that prepared a report to the government of Norway, and we were during 2020 completing the process. The final report is now out, and my work there is done.

This spring of 2023 is the first time since 2020 when I feel like an exploration phase is here. I am having a meeting about one such opportunity this afternoon (May 15th), and I am looking forward to that.

But I am also aware of the exploration burnout. I easier feel that “I know where this is ending, I know the endpoint, the outcome. Is this battle worth it?”; and then I realize that this is simply an aspect of cynicism that I need to battle. I do not wish to become a cynic. I do not wish to be in a position where I do not “run things to their course” because I feel like I know the outcome; because I feel like I have seen it all. Because I know that I have not seen it all. And also, I might meet new people in these new exploration phases, and some of those people may be important in my life.

My question is how to deal with exploration burnout. It is not critical at this stage, but I feel it’s effects, and I want to minimize it.

ChatGPT prompt: “Improve this text, making it a bit longer and more emotional, but also founded in psychological research.”

ChatGPT output: “Embarking on numerous cycles of exploration can be an exhilarating journey filled with opportunities for growth and self-discovery. However, as with any endeavor, there can be drawbacks, and one such drawback is the risk of experiencing “exploration burnout.” This phenomenon, supported by psychological research, occurs when the novelty and excitement of exploration begin to wane, leaving individuals feeling drained, uninspired, and questioning the value of their ongoing efforts.

Allow me to share a personal story that delves into the emotional depths of exploration burnout. In the early months of 1998, when I was a young and vibrant 19-year-old, I found myself in the captivating city of Bergen, having recently bid farewell to my previous home in Denmark. Fueled by a fervent desire to embrace new experiences and engage more actively with the world, I wholeheartedly embraced the spirit of exploration. My days were filled with a whirlwind of adventures and endeavors, leaving no stone unturned in my pursuit of growth and fulfillment.

Then, the unexpected happened. March 2020 arrived, and the world was struck by the devastating impact of a global pandemic. The sudden halt to countless processes and routines affected me profoundly, casting a shadow over my once vibrant and dynamic life. And as if the universe wanted to test my resilience even further, July 2020 marked the disintegration of my marriage, ushering in a period of emotional turbulence.

In the midst of this tumultuous time, a small glimmer of hope remained. I was still an active member of a national expert group entrusted with the responsibility of preparing a significant report for the Norwegian government. Throughout the entirety of 2020, despite the personal challenges I faced, I persisted in my commitment to this important endeavor. As the year drew to a close, the final report was unveiled, marking the completion of my involvement. While a sense of accomplishment washed over me, there was an undeniable void left in its wake.

Now, in the spring of 2023, a flicker of anticipation stirs within me as I sense the arrival of a new phase of exploration. The prospect of fresh opportunities beckons, and I find myself looking forward to a meeting later this afternoon—an encounter that holds the promise of opening new doors. Yet, amidst this glimmer of excitement, a cloud of concern looms above: the lingering specter of exploration burnout.

I have noticed within myself a propensity to succumb to cynicism, an insidious voice that whispers, “I already know where this will lead. Is it truly worth the effort?” It is a treacherous path to tread—a road paved with familiarity and a misguided sense of knowing the outcome. However, in these moments of doubt, I remind myself that cynicism is merely an illusion, a deceptive lens through which I may unwittingly view the world.

For I know, deep down, that I have not truly seen it all. The depths of human experience are vast and ever-expanding, and within each new exploration phase, there lies the potential for transformative encounters and invaluable connections. People, previously unknown to me, may cross my path, weaving their stories into the fabric of my life, and forever altering its course.

And so, the question arises: how does one navigate the treacherous terrain of exploration burnout? While not reaching a critical stage, I can feel its insidious effects slowly seeping into my being, threatening to overshadow my future endeavors. In this endeavor to minimize its impact, I turn to the wisdom gleaned from psychological research and personal introspection.

Firstly, I recognize the importance of acknowledging my emotional state and understanding that exploration burnout is a valid experience. Validating my feelings allows me to confront them head-on and avoid burying them beneath layers of denial or apathy”

Reflection: I find the ChatGPT response to be funny, in a way. The language is so AI-like. But I also liked parts of it. Let me try something else.

ChatGPT prompt: Now write a haiku about exploration burnout and the importance of not becoming a cynic

ChatGPT output:

Worn paths lose their charm,
Exploration’s flame fades,
Cynic’s heart grows cold.

ChatGPT based on prompt by me

ChatGPT prompt: Now write a haiku about the cynic’s heart becoming inspired again.

ChatGPT output:

Jaded heart revived,
New vistas ignite the soul,
Cynic finds hope’s glow.

ChatGPT based on prompt by me

I feel that my soul is ignited, and I have more hope than in a long time. But my heart is still jaded, and I feel an impending DOOM lol no, I feel an overarching risk that I may become a victim of this burnout.

So. I want to do something to minimize that risk.

07:26. Finishing up here, getting ready to go to work.

[Video of process; 13m43s / 86MB]

Input/Process/Output

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One of the exercises that I did a lot in earlier years was to:

  • Study the input
  • Predict my process, and go through the motions
  • Study the output

As I have written earlier, I started writing a journal at age 9. And early on, I started to look back in time, forward in time, and see the present moment as a fixation point between the two spheres.

Logging my input is key. Logging my process is key. Logging my output is key.

When I have artificial / computational systems that help me with my logging, I am several steps ahead.

Since November 2022, chatgpt has been the big mozilla on the generative AI block. But Bard from Google is shaping up now, and we will also have other solutions that give output based on input. Prompts. I see prompt engineering as something that will have a massive boost as a career in the next years.

In the near future, I will have solutions that help me study my input, predict/have variations of my process, help me get alternative motion paths, and help me study my output.

I will write about these solutions and my Process of using them on this blog.

My ethos of blogging

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Justin Hall (Wikipedia) was one of the earliest bloggers out there, and his way of writing inspired me a lot when I started blogging myself in 2000. Justin Hall wrote on links.net, which also inspired me in my way of thinking – a collection of links (I later used del.icio.us a lot). This article has a pretty good overview of blogging after 1997.

Justin wrote about very personal, some would say private, stuff on his site. His ability to be vulnerable on the site was – to me – commendable.

Part of what I wanted to do in my own work was to show the process. That’s also why I was so keen on “screencasting” when that came about, and I was an early user of Camtasia as well as Snagit from Techsmith (I use snagit daily even today).

The “umlaut” video by Jon Udell was to me really inspiring.

So:

  1. Process. My process. Or showing the behind the scene (which is also why I often post the process/screen recording of my writing these blog entries; it is not entertainment as such, but it might show something)
  2. Raw emotions. This is something that I have struggled with more in later years. It was easier for me – for instance – to cry in front of the camera in 2005.
  3. Sharing my part of the world with the world. I wanted to show where I was, to my network.

My ethos for DLTQ.org moving forward may change, but these earlier principles are still there in my back-bone somewhere, and I can still remember the validity of them. The raw emotions part is problably the most difficult one, but I will work on it.

[Video of process; 13m28s / 113MB]

Slow

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I have used “Dreamhost”, an American service provider, since 2005. They are on the same level as “GoDaddy”. But since I relaunched DLTQ.org today, it has been very slow on my end when loading or reloading the website, or basically doing anything on it. I am wondering if they have downgraded the specs for these shared servers, in order to get customers to pay more for upgraded WordPress service, or something like that. This solution used to be fine. A bit slower for me than Norwegian solutions, but still manageable. Now, it is so slow that it annoys me immensely. I might end up just creating a wordpress installation on a Norwegian host, and then point the domain to that.

We will see, I will give this solution some more time, and reconsider the situation in June or July.

Hello 2023

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My first WordPress blog on dltq.org was in 2005, or perhaps even late 2004? I don’t know, I get confused. Let’s just say that it was in 2005, and leave it at that. I think that in 2004 I was still on Typepad.

It is now 18 years later. Not 2005, but 2023. I am 18 years older than in 2005. 216 months. That’s weird, to look at it that way.

In November 2022 this website – dltq.org – became a Mastodon server, and I had my own Mastodon instance there. Or, rather, the dltq.org domain pointed to the IP address of my Mastodon server, which was hosted in Finland; but you get my point anyway. Anywho. Anyhow.

In 2005, I was experimenting a lot with videoblogging. I did that for a few more years. The last time I co-organized VlogEurope was in Amsterdam in autumn of 2009. In 2009 I also started working at a company where I worked until 2021. In 2021 I first changed work to another company in the same sector (IT), and then in January 2022 I joined my current workplace. It is now May 2023; May 10th 2023, and I went from – yesterday – thinking that I would let dltq.org lapse – let the domain name registration expire; to this morning thinking that no. No. I want to renew the registration, and I want to use the website again, differently. Or the same way as in 2005. I don’t know which is which; cycles cycling, turning to the same spot. Or the solar system planets cycling our local star; our sun, but that sun also moving through our galaxy, and then of course that galaxy also moves in relation to other galaxies. And the further you zoom out, the more dizzying it gets. And the further you zoom in, the more dizzying it gets. And whether I scrub back in time; until 2013 or 2005 or 1999 or 1986; I get dizzy. And whether I project forward in time; until 2029 or 2035 or 2050; I also get dizzy. I get dizzy whatever direction I take within the context of my own life.

It is a Wednesday. A Wednesday belonging to the date May 10th 2023. It is a Wednesday, my son who is now 12 (not 22 as in 2033, or 2 as in 2013) years old is out playing soccer, with the others. He is almost home. And I am writing this while I am cooking dinner in the oven, and a pot of rice cooking in the rice boiler. I am writing this; it is now 18:23 CEST. Summer time here in Oslo, Norway, where I am now. It is a Wednesday, and this Wednesday belongs to a day where I reboot DLTQ.org. A new iteration, a new cycle, a new exploration of – what exactly? I think the following are my themes moving forward:

1) exploring the limits of online media

2) not losing sight of those core questions in our global society.

3) exploring the limits of my own creativity or lack of it

4) not losing sight of my own core questions

A few words about DLTQ. Don’t Lose the Question. I came up with the name in the spring of 2002. I was living in Brussels then, doing work as the President of the Student Wing of the Coimbra group of universities. I was living in Brussels, and I kept on telling myself one evening – I think it was a Wednesday, but it could also be any other day in the week; not the weekend, because then I took the train from Brussels to Konstanz am Bodensee. Anyway: It was evening, and I was asking myself questions in my diary; it was a physical diary then. And I also thought about things online. I had blogged on LiveJournal since 2000, and in 2002 I think I was mostly active on TIG. Anyway: It was evening, I was asking myself questions, and I thought about moving on from my Ehich nickname.

The Ehich nickname was something I came up with in the spring or early summer of 1998. I know it was before October 1998 because in October it was that I asked a silly question to Neil Gaiman during an online Q&A. Here is my question and the answer:

<Puck> First question is from Ehich. Ehich, go ahead.

<Ehich> On the event horizon chat you talked a bit about your interest in finding out the relationship between fairy tales, myths and religion. How do you think that this is related to philosophy? I mean; do you think there is any bridge between Mythos and Logos; litterature and Philosophy? and if so; how do you think this bridge can be explored?

<NGaiman> Ah, right. Let’s start with the small ones… (er, typed with a small amount of irony, that). Honest answer, I don’t know. And as an addendum… I try not to think about it too much. Especially when I’m writing. Mostly what I’m doing is telling stories, which is a strange sort of occupation — it’s part instinct, part craft, part skill and part luck. There are places I sometimes think that it’s wisest not to go… or rather, not to go on purpose. I was fascinated when Zelazny pointed out that the first books of Magic followed the traditional Cambellian Heroes quest pattern, as it was not designed or intended to go that way: it was just where the story went. As a final note on that… I’d hate to pretend to be unconscious of the craft. But when it comes to the relationship between myth and philosophy, hell, I’m still trying to figure out why we need fairy tales.

Source

Anyway. In 2002 I had used Ehich for about 4 years, and I wanted something new. I came up with DLTQ. Don’t Lose the Question. Because I wanted to remind myself to not lose my questions. Not lose my core questions. Not lose what drives me; moves me forward.

DLTQ has been with me since 2002. In late 2004 (December) I started videoblogging, and in 2005 I turned my blog from TypePad to my first WordPress blog. Here is a WaybackMachine snapshot of dltq.org in July 2005.

DLTQ became my twitter handle in 2007, and in 2011 when Google+ launched, I went sort of different and called myself Raymond K (here is a PCMag article about my early Google+ work). I had moved slightly away from DLTQ in those years. It became a stressful thing for me – being reminded to not lose my questions. I did not see the warning signs. I also registered rmnd.org as an alternative domain name at some point (I let that domain name slip, and I only registered it again in late 2022).

What’s the question?

OH. Yes. My online persona. In 2009 I decided to start my “stabilization project”, and that project led to other things, including marriage, a kid, and staying at the same company for 12 years. 2021 I left that company, and had shit in my private life (my wife and I divorced in 2020, pandemic divorce yay). In 2022 I had a new company, and had shit in my private life. 2023 was pretty shitty as well, until I on Friday March 24th 2023 decided to make a move. Back then, it was simply to go to Denmark that evening and to spend two full days in Copenhagen. But that move signalled a new era. And here we are. Hello 2023.

[Video of process; 49m19s / 335MB ]