DLTQ.org

This week, I was approached by the Danish-based organization SILBA and asked if I want to

1) Videotape election observers and their activities during the Georgian Parliamentary elections on May 21st as well as document aspects of the election. We will do our election observing in the city of Rustavi in the south-east part of Georgia.

2) Hold a workshop on videoblogging at the May 23.-30. Seminar “Developing Gender and Minority 2.0 Tools” in Tbilisi. The seminar, which is for youths involved with minority issues and who originate from several countries, will to a large extent focus on how they can use new media tools in their work.

It did not take a lot of consideration for me to accept this invitation, despite knowing that Georgia is not going to be the safest place on earth in case there are demonstrations in connection with the election.

I have earlier been holding workshops on videoblogging in among other places Sarajevo, and I am aware of some of the challenges associated with talking about videoblogging to a mixed audience like this. I have talked with the organizers of the seminar, and we agree that a hands-on approach is ideal - that they get to use the tools themselves and experiment with the medium.

I am leaving already in two weeks, so time is short, and there are many questions that need to be looked into. What is the internet situation like in Rustavi? What kind of footage will we want to put up on Youtube and similar sites? What do we do if we find that there are electoral irregularities in Rustavi?

What kind of footage would You like to see? If you had the chance to see the election in Georgia from first-hand accounts and not just filtered through the main-stream media - what would you be interested in?

I have always liked Sigur Rós, and I was pleased to see that Youtube has featured quite a few of the “Minn Heima” contest submissions. Here is one of them. Let it play while you read the rest of this post:

Watching this documentary yesterday reminded me a lot of my own background in Northern Norway. I was born in Hammerfest, and I spent years on Arnøya, which is an island quite a few miles north/north-east from Tromsø.

My mother’s family is mostly situated around Bergen, while my father’s family are mostly up there, north. Places with scenery like this:

(photo source)

Having been in Denmark for over 1 1/2 years this time around, I sometimes feel this craving to have mountains around me. If you know anything about Denmark, you know that it is flat. Very flat. In Bergen, I was literally surrounded by mountains, except to the west where you had the Atlantic ocean. But I had my years in Bergen, at least for now. Time to explore Copenhagen more, and hopefully move elsewhere at some point. Somewhere warmer.

In two weeks I turn 30 years old, and I am scared to the bones. I have for various reasons been ridden by angst for the last several months. An anxiety which I have had difficulties pointing out the reasons for.

Today I listened to Faurés Requiem for the first time in a very long time, and afterwards I returned to my old heroes: Rachmaninov, Scriabin, Shostakovich - all those Russians, and Bach.

I felt like I was home.

Home, to me, is not so much a place, as it is an emotion. And through those last years of back-and-forth, anxiety, living with a person who kept making my day a wreck, getting my head knocked over, and in the midst of all that still thinking that I would have the energy required to successfully do a political videoblogging campaign here in Denmark last october/november . . .

It’s like that line in Fight Club: “My eyes are open”. I shudder, thinking how I have lived and acted the last long period of time. As a friend recently told me: “This is not you, Raymond”

Glenn Gould reminds me of things that I had forgotten about. I am thankful for the Arts.

Today, during a Gtalk conversation with a friend, I wrote this:

I have so many drafted posts over the last few months. If I compare this with how I blogged a few years ago, for instance in February 2005, I become shamefully aware of a level of not only self-censorship, but also a lack of visible curiosity.

When did I stop being curious?

Did it ever stop, or am I just imagining it?

Am I finally turning old and ’set in my ways’?

So, tonight, I have been trying to summarise some of the moods I have gone through the last days, weeks, month. Since the day the election was announced.

This weekend I have also begun preparing for the video I will publish on December 24th - my 3 year anniversary “as a videoblogger”. I ask myself: “Has it only been three years?”

A mixture of feelings, a rush, has crippled me at times during these last weeks. At the same time, I have a strong determination growing. That wants to stop being in some ivory tower anymore. I know that I have a quite theoretical approach to videoblogging, and it is a shame. A shame that I haven’t “put my money where my mouth is”. A shame because I for instance could have done so much more for my friends in Nepal and Serbia when it comes to videoblogging. (If you dont remember: In Spring 2005 we were some vloggers who gathered funds to send a camera to a friend of mine, Prakash, from Kathmandu. He has unfortunately not videoblogged much. I also gave away my own camera to a friend of mine from north-eastern Serbia, and he posted some videos here. He was actually mentioned in New York Times once.)

If I had a more practical approach to videoblogging, I would do More to push for political videoblogging in Venstre in Norway during (and especially after) the Election campaign in 2005.

“Man skal ikke gråte over spilt melk” is a Norwegian saying that I should heed in this case. (= Don’t cry over spilled milk)

It is 03:17 Saturday night / Sunday morning, and this post has several times been close to be put as a draft. I am watching CNN and there is a programme about corruption in Africa. Kenya? The sound is off. I read some of the subtitles, and I shiver inside. Corruption IS more scary, to me, than any jack the ripper. Yes, I meant what I expressed in the movie I made for Fear Revere.

I think about my family. My grandmother in her home for the elderly in Bergen. I have not visited her in a very long time. I am scared of seeing her again. I am scared of seeing such a smart, intelligent woman who I have the utmost respect for be so touched by Alzheimer’s. I read most of her books, her poems, her plays, when I was younger.

I think about my relatives, doing what they do, be it politics, or studying, or teaching, or just plain living, working their trade.

Earlier tonight I talked with Bre Pettis on IM, and we agreed to do a speedvlog.

Here is his video:

Click To Play

And here is mine:

Click To Play

I liked his memories, his feelings, hopes.

Ad hoc. You can SEE how Bre remembers moments from his past. Golden, in my book.

A few days ago, I made this video but the blog post that was supposed to go with it ended up as another draft:

Click To Play

The african journalist is still uncovering corruption on CNN.

It is 03.30.

I will go in and hug the gf while she sleeps, and fall asleep myself. See you all tomorrow.

Two of my videoblogger friends, Andreas Haugstrup Pedersen (DK) and Brittany Shoot, (USA) have now published their Lumiere Manifesto.

Here are a few quotes:

Online video has now for years allowed the advancement of personal narratives and showcased the world through the eyes of other video producers. At best, we display an edited view of our worlds. At worst, we destroy important viewpoints through unnecessary editing.

Voice-overs and credit rolls have long been used to over-explain how to interpret video, whereas the creator’s interpretation is not the most valuable perspective.

The value of moving pictures are in their potential for a multitude of interpretations, not as insipid entertainment or propaganda.

Read the rest at videoblogging.info

Here is my very first video on a website, from December 24th, 2004.

Click To Play

(Original blog-post is here)

As I have written several times here on DLTQ.org over the last years, it was a videoblog entry by Ryanne Hodson that finally convinced me that this was something I Really wanted to get involved in - this was a few hours after I had first discovered this thing called “videoblogging” - the first video by Dylan Verdi. It was the random footage, presented by Ryanne in her own fashion, that got me hooked. What if I can also do that? What if I can also present the reality around me to friends from around the world?

At about the same time as I discovered the work of Ryanne, Mica, Michael, Chris, Charlene, Shannon and others, I also very much got into the ethos of Jay Dedman’s videoblogging. He actually calls his vlog “Momentshowing” - and that really struck me. Momentshowing. Showing conversations. Beauty. The little things that make my country what it is, and not a country on the other end of the globe. Sharing particulars and - more importantly - all the things that are common. Our hopes, dreams, our insecurities, fears, anxiety.

When you simply want to show something, the production standard becomes less important. When you show your friend your city, you don’t necessarily treat your friend like a clueless tourist.

I remember a movie I shot while in New York for VloggerCon 2005. Outside, there was a blizzard, and I was inside, talking with Sean (I lost his URL) about his video project.

Click To Play

[source]

So: Lumiere Manifesto, showing moments, uncensored, without too much editing. (I have never followed any one set of rules consequently in my vlogging, but I guess I have a core sense of aesthetics)

What guided me through my early experiments with videoblogging was the concept of momentshowing from Jay, editing from Charlene, and a twist of subliminal messaging from Fight Club (in my case: Use of fast-flashing text)

Political and moral commitment

Tomorrow is election day in Norway. Every four years there are parliamentary elections, and every four years local elections. I was active in the local elections in 2003 and the parliamentary elections in 2005 for Venstre, but since the 05 election I have mostly shunned politics. Tomorrow is local elections day, and I haven’t voted, and neither I will not be in Norway tomorrow for voting on election day itself. In fact, I have not really been involved in any organization since the autumn of 05, besides The PAN (a group vlog) and helping organize VlogEurope this year. It’s as if my enthusiasm had been dried out. Why? Was it because my living space was so unsecure? Was it because of lack of a love life? Had I turned too cynical in my view of the future of videoblogging?

Last weekend was VlogEurope 2007, and even though we were fewer participants than the previous years, I utterly enjoyed the days. I shot a lot of footage, and this whole week I have been thinking a lot about …

Conversations

How do we take these conversations further?

Momentshowing.

So that the myriad of moments shown establish bigger patterns. Like pixels that, on a larger view, create images. Architectural beauty, or the smile of a girl, or the glow of a tulip.

One of the many discussions I enjoyed a lot was this conversation with Jan McLaughlin:

Click To Play

I love Jan and her work, her commitment to exploring, recontextualizing, breaking down boundaries. Being the faux press, pressing forward, asking questions.

There were so many threads during those conversations, and the countless others, it made my head go spinning, and it feels like this to me. My conceptions keep getting in the way, and I don’t really LISTEN.

To me, the Lumiere Manifesto is about listening. And sharing so others can better listen. Because the videos don’t have audio, it is less controlling. During VlogEurope we talked about “no comment” segments from Euronews. Very interesting look at what the lack of a voice-over can do to reporting.

Personally? Future? This? I was inspired by something Tajee said in Heidelberg about videoblogging and its wider use. She is involved with charity work, for instance, and it is obvious how videoblogging can be a good channel in that sector. The conversation became another thread in my own quest for “the next step”. I work in an academic bookstore in Copenhagen. I read books. I hang out with my new girlfriend. My story has not had a 2-year long break - - but it has been very internalized. I went through a lot in Oslo in 05/06, and I went through a lot after moving to Denmark in 06. I have for quite some time felt that it is time to go external again, and basically I am now looking for “the cause”. Yesterday, I was excited about NABUUR, untill I saw the infighting and bickering over details at their blog. It’s all so frigging predictable. Worrying about status, money, funding, prestige. The whole “not invented here” syndrome. Idiots.

(Of course, I may be the idiot here, and the NABUURs are doing vvery constructive work in their endless discussions about technicalities. Just like it may actually be Very Very important exactly HOW a sentence is shaped in a legal document to be voted over in Congress.)

So, I now wonder where I can be useful. Where my skillset can fill a need. If it is noncommercial work, I will volunteer. I need to get involved with new people, or do something with people I know already. Do something new. A project. During VlogEurope I contemplated a lot about putting work into the VlogEurope site, creating a real, living blog there where we could point to interesting videoblogging projects in Europe. Maybe some of those projects that are not typically mentioned on Rocketboom or Xolo.tv. I miss being in a team. Actually, watching a session Drew Olanoff from Scriggity did at podcamp philly reminded me of that. I think Alive in Baghdad is a superb team effort.

What can I do? So many of us wonder about that. How can we help individuals? Make a difference? Yadiyada.

Localism while being global in spirit. A lesson to learn there, perhaps.

My future in terms of how I spend my spare time? No ideas, except that I am open for ideas, and I want to get involved with some team or organization that has goals and methods I can agree with.

Suggestions?

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IFrame code version:

I have TONS of video scattered around, and I need a way to easier recontextualize them, make new playlists, and so on. The comment by Rupert here spurred me on, and I realize that before I make tons of New material, I just want to be able to shuffle the media easily. Without the ability to shuffle it, tweak it, use some video I took on one occassion together with video from another occassion - - the whole point of my taking all this footage is lost. To me, videoblogging is not just media made for the current. I might ask some important question or show something important in 2005, and in 2009 I might remember the discussion, or the footage, and then I would like to return to it, and recontextualize it (a la text/recontext) maybe?

Earlier, I would use del.icio.us as a way to contextualize footage without having to post it in a blog post with a subject-line and all. Here is one example (note: some of the links are outdated, but you get the point, for instance I would use a tag like “animation”, and then later on I could draw upon those resources) - but alas, i never fully developed this system, and I didnt get to look for other ways to do this.

Brightcove is Very neat. Setting up the player takes a bit of time and is clunky, but I like all the features that are included.

I will definitely play some more with Brightcove Studio, then I will test out Blip.tv’s system further, and compare the two, maybe by a screencast. I should definitely explore the opportunities. Enogh a href-code in html in the post at least.

Yesterday morning I was greeted with this e-mail from Dreamhost, my host during the last 2 years. Now, there are a lot of issues related with this severe security breach, and I am rather worried about aspects of how Dreamhost dealt with this, but to make the story short: DLTQ.org and other sites I host have been down for over 40 hours.

Tonight, I finally managed to get the sites up again by reverting to the back-ups from last week. If I had known how to see hidden files/folders, I would have made this earlier, but alas, I am not a coder. :/

In other news, today has been one of the hottest days in Copenhagen so far this year, and I have been sweating like a pig in bed (been ill the last days). I am still working on a new video for this site, but it is a bit delayed due to - stuff.

It has mostly been a sad weekend so far. On friday, while I was reading the new novel Løvekvinden by Erik Fosnes Hansen, I slowly realized that … I cannot recognize myself.

Since the injury and the head concussion at the end of march I have not only been very passive, but I have also been extremely irritable. Just the slightest thing can turn me into a flaring fire inside. Yesterday I was in a particular bad mood, feeling very isolated, passive. I remember sitting in a cafe, with a coffee, trying to read, and I couldn’t get any further at all. The text on the book turned into a tumbling sea of letters. I felt hints of the old nausea, but it wasn’t too bad. I wanted to talk with someone about it, but I didn’t know where to turn. I didn’t want to bother my family about this; they will only repeat their insistance that I should return home, to Norway, relax for a few months, and then re-find my real passion and go for it from there. I tell them that I am fine, here, I enjoy the work at the bookstore, I want some stability now, I found a new apartment now, where I can have my own space, head-space, be me. I tried to reach out to some others, but they either are too busy with their lives, or I don’t know them well enough to want to talk about these more private issues (and yet, hah!, I am blogging about it her). I was irritable. I felt abandoned, yet I knew I was also the one pushing people away.

So, last night, I finally had enough. I’m done with this. Not this, but that. Done for good.

The good thing about working in the bookstore is that I am not dependant on the vlogosphere / blogosphere for my survival. I don’t need to kiss any web 2.0 VC or CEO shoes or do the appropriate @’s on Twitter to be able to do my thing. As I wrote earlier, I have some video concepts now. I am more formally going to work with the artform. Push things further, further.

For half a year, I have promised Erik Nelson that I will do a video for Carp Caviar. It is a video collaboration with Philip - he mainly does the audio, I the visuals. He already provided the audio months+months ago, I never felt ready to do the visuals. I know some things about how I want it to be, look, feel, but I do not know the rest. Now that I will move in to my new apartment next weekend I will slowly begin working on this again.

I don’t know what to do with my flaring mood, it’s almost like a tick - I did some research and I found this page that gave it a name: Post Concussion Syndrome (PCS). Wee, I now suffer from a syndrome. I’ve always been a person who can easily snap at you with a comment, and I certainly come across as a person who is quite rude at times (but my anger always passes in some moments), but it has not been like this before. So I guess my solution for now is to withdraw further. I will work this out. I will consult my doctor some more. I will blog/vlog some, but I will disable comments (yes, not good blogging form, but I frankly don’t care). I will mostly stay off IM systems.

How long will this go on? I hope it will pass by the end of summer. I don’t like being like this. I don’t like the feeling when I read something online, or in the newspaper, and it just starts boiling inside; a bursting volcano: “The stupidity!”

After Løvekvinden (which will actually be published on May 25th here in Denmark by Gyldendal - I am reading the advance copy sent to the bookstore), I will turn to Tor Nørretranders “Civilisation 2.0“, which was also recently published here in Denmark, and then I will return to Virginia Woolf for a book - she is an old favourite of mine.

I am definitely turning inwards into my own bubble here in Copenhagen and the world of books. I will probably be deleting quite a lot of the videos/blog entries I have published here and elsewhere - I cannot stand how things look now. I will however try to create new things as well.

I am sorry if I have offended you the last months. It has been a rough ride.

Now I will go outside, enjoy the sunshine and the book - is actually quite good.

Turned 29 yesterday, March 22nd. Took some pictures. Day was ok. Had the worst of moods at times, though.

29 is such a weird number. Definitely not mid 20s anymore. Not 30 either, new beginning, cycle, decade.

Still, a few resolutions, a few things. I will make media about it the coming days.

Ok, 03:07 AM now.